The Pain is our Teacher

A while ago I posted a blog on http://ivorswartz.blogspot.com/2010/07/people-matters.html about a dear friend of mine who went through a particular rough time in her life. I thank God she's at a much better place. I wrote about how she used to feel worthless, and sometimes still do, and how she used to cut herself to forget her pain.

Through grace, this friend is smiling again; through grace this friend can look pain in the eyes and say,"I've been there, I know that". And I'm proud of this friend. She makes me smile when I look at her. She makes me believe that what StayAliveFriend is doing, means something, and it's worth giving a shot.

Recently, this friend went with a group from our college on a ministry trip to Morreesburg for a couple days, visiting schools and orphanages in the area. She had the opportunity to lead a class discussion with a group of 9th-graders. This is her story:

Nedien and I had to lead a class group-discussion at a grade 9 class. I was very skeptical about it, seeing as though I don't like standing in front of people to talk.
Nedien started to speak to them, but they were very disrespectful towards us and were talking the whole time in between. After she spoke for a while, I felt like I should share my story with them.I told them a short part of my story and what I went through. How I'm struggling with depression and used to cut myself.
Then Nedien did a brave thing and asked if any of them has ever cut themselves. Instead of raising their hands if they did, they pointed to one of their classmates. They started insulting the boy about his problem and how bad it is. My heart broke for him. I wanted to cry because I knew exactly how he felt at that moment. People are sometimes so uncomfortable with their own pain that the only way to hide and deal with it is to make fun of other people's pain.


 The boy just sat there, absorbing every insult thrown at him.


We started to tell them about StayAliveFriend and how it helped me through my dark times. It helps to know that there are people I can talk to about my things.


I later on spoke to a girl sitting in the front row. She said her sister suffers also from depression and cutting, and she drinks a lot. Although her sister is "clean" now, she still doesn't know how to handle the situation, especially now that her sister confessed that she's lesbian. Her family has rejected her.


The evening we had a production in their hall and most of the class we spoke to was there. After the show they came sheepishly up to me, confessing that they also cut themselves and would love to talk about it. I was surprised, as they were the one who made fun of their classmate. One girl in particular came to me and spoke about how her step dad is so violent; that she can't handle it and has no one to share it with, so she start cutting herself and want to stop it.


For the first time I felt like God was truly on the move inside of me. It felt like my pain is serving it's purpose; like I didn't g through all that crap for nothing. God is using it for His purpose.


It felt like The Pain Was My Teacher.