When peace gets disturbed

"I think my dad is cheating on my mom", she said. "I think he's cheating on her because he haven't hugged her in ages. He doesn't kiss her, or show any affection towards her. I just feel like drinking pills and cutting. But I guess this is how life is".


My conversation with a friend, after the usual small talk, turned into this. Somehow, we've seen or heard this picture played off so many times that we've become desensitized with it. It has become "how life is". The truth is that that is NOT how life is. Life is hard, yes. Life is full of pain and hurt, yes, but life doesn't have a formula, or a manual to refer back to. You can't look at a situation in life and say, 'but that's what the manual says'. Nothing in life is as it should be. For years things are out of place, and people are fighting, losing their lives to restore the corrupt of this world. We lose things in this life. and things are taken from us. We are kept from what we love. We are kept from peace- the very thing we are to pursue.

At times our peace get disturbed by people close to us. Those who are supposed to protect our peace; to help us keep shelter from the cold love we get sucked into every single day. Right now, at this very moment I know, personally know, of at least 20 people who's feeling like this friend of mine. There's thousands of people tonight whose peace get disrupted because other people make decisions for whatever reasons. I feel your pain. Its okay. Where you are and what you feel, and what you wish was different. Its okay. You're still here and this day will pass and tomorrow has never happened before. Things can still be new. There is room for healing and surprise and even room fro change.

This life is not a race. Its not a contest or a competition. Its a patient broken story breaking more and healing more every day. Sometimes the things that tear us down can lead us to freedom. You remain worth the heavens, regardless of who disturbs your peace. You remain loved, by me, us, and everyone who believe in brokenness and healing.

Peace be to you.

Mornings..

This week has been one of the most emotional times of my life. The funny, and sad part of it is I didn't show it. I didn't know how to deal with my emotions this week. I had all sorts of mixed feelings towards my future; my friends; my journey. My depression got to me more than once, but I got up and gave it a go again. It's funny how we come to believe in anything that makes sense when we're not  comfortable with reality.
This week was my final week of the best four years of my life. I get goosebumps sitting, thinking about it. My life have become so rich with people, and now the time has come to finally say goodbye. It's the saddest thing ever. I want to believe that I'm gonna see all of my friends everyday. I want to believe that a social network won't be the only thing connecting us. I want to believe that I'm gonna walk out of my room, hear the laughter, the small talk, the anger. But I have to realize that its never gonna be like that again, and THAT makes me sad.

This morning I was too scared to get out of bed cos I know there's no one outside in the quad. I'm too scared to face my reality, but I have to. We all have to. We have to face that sometimes we don't have it. Sometimes we need help. Sometimes other people's advice is better than our own. We have to understand that this is not about us alone. To wake up and live means to invite other people into our lives. Every morning, scary as it may be at times, is an opportunity to tell a story. Someone can learn from our stories every morning. That is why I have to get out of bed, hold my head up high and let my friends know that they mean the world to me. We don't know what tomorrow will bring along, but we have today to make right; to forgive; to be loyal; to stand our ground. Another opportunity to look at the scars, at the pain and know that this is NOT the end. Our stories have many more mornings to survive.

PEACE

Control...losing it.

I had an interview on Radio Pulpit this week, discussing the issue of depression and the stigma surrounding it. This is only my second radio interview ever, so it was quite a big thing for me. But what I didn't prepare for was the enormous response I'm receiving ever since. This certainly proves to me, and the whole of South Africa, that things aren't the way it's supposed to be. When a someone sms me to ask for prayer cos she doesn't know for how long she'll be able to resist the urge to rid the world of herself; when a grandparents phone me to send encouraging messages to their grandchild cutting; when a social worker contacts me, seeking help for her depression, something has gone terribly wrong in the society we find ourselves in.

This year so far, 97 teenagers in the Eastern Cape have committed suicide. Something is out of place. It is not good for a society  to force someone to injure themselves on order to fell, or to numb. Communities are supposed to make us feel part, not estrange us. I blame loneliness, depression, cutting, suicide, I blame it on ignorance. I blame it on the fact that people are afraid to talk about things that matters. I blame it on our superficiality. In our search for deepness we have became too shallow. We want to make people believe that its not okay when you are emotionally unstable; when you experience a whole lot of emotions all at once. It is not not acceptable when you don't have it all together. I say "SCREW THAT".

It is okay to fall apart sometimes. It is okay to lose control. It is okay to cry. It's what makes us human. What is NOT okay though is that we sit with our fears and failures by ourselves. We have been buying lies that tells us no one can be trusted. Humanity won't exist without trust. People have pushed us over the edge, but trust is that take us by the hand, pick us up. shakes off the dust, speak hope to our spirits, and allow us to move on again.

I know for a fact in my heart that this movement can and will help thousand of South African believe that hope is alive; that rescue is possible, and that our lives matters, small and simple they may be. One day we will come to know that we were all connected after all....and that's the beauty of it all.