Who we are.

The past weekend presented the opportunity for us to be on stage during a dear friend's Benefit Show. Every second of it felt like this is what we're called to do as a movement. We are called to share, in unexpected moments about things unspoken of in our society.

It is true: our stories are important and it needs to be lived, but not a lot of us believe those words, like we don't believe in the government. We end up moving away from our true stories because the pain is too much; our stories don't make sense, or things simply didn't turn out the way we hoped it would. Life is full of surprises. It can sometimes force you to be someone else. many friends, live lives not cut out for them; living to which they're not called to, including myself.

the urge to be someone other than yourself can be pretty overwhelming at times. You know who you are, and yet you can feel yourself slipping away slowly. "This is NOT what it's supposed to be like", you'd say, and yet there's not much you can do to avoid it.

Merique got an opportunity to represent South Africa in Los Angeles at the World Championships for Performing Arts. What an honor that would be for her. But I remember her singing one of her songs that says "this is the moment that I've been given to show the world who I really am". Aren't we all hiding away at times the very person we truly are? the financial challenges for Merique is quite heavy but she stepped out of who the world wants her to be so that she can show the world who she really is. That is exactly the turning point in all of our lives. We HAVE to step out. it's the only way the REAL ME can come forth.....

#stayalivefriends

Fixed

My song for the week is Coldplay’s “Fix you”, and I think many have find some sort of comfort, story, or have lived themselves vicariously through every letter of this song. Mostly because, we all have to agree, we know what it means to be fixed by someone, whether it is a person, a being, or yourself. We were all in need of a fix, good or bad.

I was fortunate enough to have seen Coldplay perform this piece of art live at their Cape Town show, and I remember screaming every word along with the thousands present. I remember how connected I felt. I hugged strangers around me. We looked like loyal rugby fans, singing shosholoza. It was just spectacular. There were fireworks, everywhere. It was better than any revival show. It felt like God was in the mix.

Apart from us all having been fixed once, this song just echoes humanity. It shouts our raw nature to love and be loved. I once loved a girl, but I wasn’t completely myself around her because I wanted her to love me also, and she did. We both were broken and wasn’t exactly sure it was what we wanted. She was and is truly beautiful, but for years she had built these walls around her heart. We tried to fix each other but it wasn’t long before we decide it best to go our separate ways.

Sometimes we think our fixes come in neatly sealed packages, but most of the times our fixes come from our brokenness; from our deepest aching. I was crushed after I parted ways with her, and I lived a total reckless life for a while afterwards, but I’m fixed now. I’m fixed because I was broken. I’m fixed because I risked my heart for something, and even though that something wasn’t for me, it was worth it. I loved again, and this time it’s more beautiful.

Never give up on love; it’s too beautiful a thing to let it go to waste. You might not want to love now, or maybe you’re not ready for it. Or maybe you are ready but nothing is happening.

“Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones”.

Something somewhere will spark inside you, and you’ll be fixed from whatever distorted your picture of what love is supposed to look like.

“But if you never try you’ll never know, just what you’re worth”.

You have to put yourself out there and risk it for love. Love is taking a chance on someone with your heart. Letting them into who you are, without assurance of getting anything. I have a friend who is so, so beautiful, I’m sure she’s a goddess, but she hasn’t been on a date in months. Many times she would question her beauty and I have to reassure her over and over that love will find her at the right time. As much as I want her to find love, I want her to find her worth from within, with or without someone to love. The person that will love you will just add to the worth you already possess, but don’t find worth only after you have found someone.

Lights will guide you home. 

"Shadow Days"

One have to admit, even after being tortured at Pneumatix by all the John Mayer lovers and their commitment to trying master the art of John Mayerness (if there was something like it) , the guy is magic to the ears and especially to the soul. I don't know what makes him such a good musician but i know that when he writes, it must come from somewhere deep within. i doubt that anyone writing for the fun, and the money of it, would be able to put words so lyrically beautiful together, and still be able to make good, quality, appreciative music.


i had my ears on on his latest single, "Shadow Days", which is also the title for this post. Not all our days are brightly shining with moments unforgettable. How we wish that could be the case, or not. Mayer suggests that it was hard times that have helped him see. how true is that? i remember the times I was caught up in the lies i believed about myself, and how hard it was for me to get to the truth. But those hard times, just like shadow days, eventually blew over and i was able to see. i was able to appreciate the "me' now.

"Some people been known to do it
All their lives
But you find yourself alone
Just like you found yourself before".

Some people choose to believe in live lies all their lives. Lies can become comfortable. Lies can assure us that it's not as bad as it looks. Like, you don't have to reach out and make friends; be honest; reconcile; forgive. Lies can leave us in pieces, and only truth, authenticity, can mend those moments we want to forget.

We have to learn to let go of the lies we believe about ourselves. Our lives are flooded with beauty, but our lies entangle us and we get distracted by the things we're not, instead of seeing the thing we are. Human. Loved. Graced. Beauty. Living Stories.

"Well it sucks to be honest
And it hurts to be real
But it's nice to make some love
That I can finally feel
Hard times let me be"

Honesty, most of the times is hard to live with. it hurts to live with it. but its the only way for us to be free. When we look at our scars; when we look at our flaws, the only way for us to deal with it is staring it in the face and be honest to ourselves about it. We are in need of help. We are in need of redemption. We are in need of other people.

Our shadow days never lasts forever. Our truth does.