Silence Within-guest post by Paula Bredenkamp @paulieepooh

It's so easy to be silent in front of other people, but to keep the silence to yourself is a challenge in itself.

Most of the time, in order for us to be silent on the inside, is to speak up.

Think about it, when we are silent towards the people who loves us, it builds up inside. But, in choosing to share how we think and feel we can quiet ourselves down on the inside. This seems a lot like extreme reverse psychology. Like everything in life, there are a few things we need to remember when it comes to this.

I spoke to a friend earlier this week, where I just completely let go of myself. It was a relieving, yet fearful moment, because I'm always afraid of bringing down the people I share with. He reminded me that it's necessary, because if we don't, who will ever. For me, it was always an issue of giving people hope when I share parts of myself with them. I never used to share the parts of me that really aches, and his words made me realize that my brokenness, in many ways can serve as a channel of hope to people. People often tell stories of how they WERE in a bad place; how they WERE struggling, but you hardly hear people telling stories of how they ARE in bad places, and how they ARE struggling to get through it.

I wrote this poem the other night, and I hope it make sense:

This is what I feel now

You keep on asking me how

How can you share this feeling

I thought you were done dealing

I choose to reply

With something as simple as a bye

Cause something like a "fuck you"

In times like this would'n do

What I do validates how I feel

Even to you it might seem unreal

I have to choose to be strong

Even though I want to do wrong

I need to stop this pain

from driving me totally insane

I really just want this to end

This broken heart can no longer mend

So don't ask me how I am

I'll just answer with a "fine, thank you ma'am"

I will keep on fighting till the day I die

But for now just allow me to feel like a fly

Useless, small, broken, alone

Thinking I'm doing this on my own

But no matter how bad this might seem

This is just the in between

So, in order for me to be silent within, I need to speak up and in order to speak up I need to learn that it's okay not to be okay, and that there's a reason that I am where I am right now. Me speaking up right no, just might be the story someone else needs to hear.

Many times we are hurt just so the person next to us can grow. So speak up; don't be ashamed of who you are and allow yourself to become silent.