I hate it when life gets to me, when people, and situations, fears, and smiles get to me. I hate it when I feel like I do now. When I feel almost a little less hopeless than yesterday. Yesterday I smiled. Yesterday I had no worries. yesterday I played "crazy-8" and drank wine, laughing my ass off. Today looks a little different. Tonight is different. Tonight life reminded me my fighting is in vain. Tonight I know what 121 million people around the world goes through. I understand a little what could be swimming around in the minds of the 2/3 young people who never seek treatment for this.Tonight I'm not only feeling for those battling depression. I don't sympathize, nor do I empathize. Tonight I'm there myself. Tonight hangs heavy above me. I feel like giving up. I feel screwed. I feel either way, no matter what you choose, you're still screwed. That feeling sucks. You won't know it until you've been there.
It's so difficult to walk up to a friend and share the heaviness cos sometimes you don't know where it came from. Sometimes it's easy to point the cause of this, and other times you can't, and tonight I don't know what it is. And this thing forces us to be alone, by ourselves, to feed us guilt, unworthiness, rejection. And many times, we fall for this lie. When we're alone, we're vulnerable, susceptible to all kinds of negativity. Often, we want to hear that negativity. But we don't have to. There IS a way out. We can overcome this. We are stronger than this. We weren't designed for this. We were meant to be more than this. We are more than this. We have to stop feeding ourselves the lie that things will stay this way. It will not. Things DO get better. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow either, but like I said, "its no surprise that just after every winter, flowers begin to blossom, such is our lives.
StayAliveFriends
StayAliveFriends
