You are not alone in this?

"You are not alone in this"

I have this battle in my head. I have this battle to convince myself that I don't have to know I'm not alone in whatever crap I'm in. i want to feel like I don't need support, sympathy, help, whatever.

To say I'm between a rock and a hard place is like saying "I know I'm gonna make it; I just don't know how and when". I'm beyond that. I'm beyond believing, hoping that things might, with a crap load of luck, change for the better.

There used to be a time that i trusted the whole "you are not alone in this" phrases. It brought a comfort of sort. I used to dig my heart deep into it and for brief moments I felt at peace with who I was, no matter what. The only thing with these phrases is that it never actually resolve to anything tangible. It never becomes real. Maybe its the thought that counts but I have constantly found myself deserted and alone. In those moments I want those phrases to come alive and give meaning. i want it to take on flesh. I want it to become a phone call or a visit, or a hug.

I have people around me, I really do. I have wonderful, loyal friends, but what I did discover was that sometimes, and sadly for me, many times you are left with only yourself. Naked and alone you entered this world; naked and alone you often stand in your deepest moments of need.

I wish this wasn't as depressing as it is, God forbid, If I'm not here tomorrow, this is as it is.