Our Heads

"Our heads are horrible places to live in", a friend used to say. I would always know exactly what she meant, because for some reasons, unwanted truths or accepted lies, she struggles to feel loved. She would accept compliments in shy, unbelievable ways, smiling at least. No matter how many times I try to show her how loved she actually is, and she get show a lot, her head refuses to accept it. She said sometimes she would long to hear she's loved but when her longing are met, she shy away from it.

Last night I had a conversation with a friend whose brother died in an accident couple weeks ago. Her world completely collapsed because he pretty much was her world. People often say we shouldn't make someone our world. Parts of me wants to agree with that but there's also a part of me that want to know what it feels like to pour your everything into a person, opening yourself up completely, and in return, being drawn into their world and explore what adventure, love, joy, hopes, dreams there might be.

My friend battled depression for a long time, even before her brother's accident now, and she'd been playing hide and seek with cutting also; hiding from it more than seeking it. But our addictions have funny ways of sneaking up on us when we expect it the least. truth can be hard to find when all we've known are lies, and when that darkness come it overshadows whatever little we knew to be true about ourselves.

I want to fight for my friend. We have to fight for them when they cant fight for themselves, because most of the time when they're pushing you away its when they need you the most. depression and his friends, they don't get tired. they're constantly battling to see you find comfort in the homes. Sad thing is, as inviting as their homes may be, they always finds a way to kick you out and make you feel like you feel like you need them.

Truth is, you don't need them.You don't have to live in your head. You can throw the blanket off. Accept your value like soft silk.

Stop living in your head.