Stories behind stories- Paula

Many of us go through struggles in life; Things that tears our whole world apart, even if it’s just for a mere moment. We connect and reconnect with friends over the years and we take some of their pain upon ourselves, as if we could’ve made their lives any different than what it is. Yet when it comes to helping ourselves and our stories we are incapable of realizing the worth we have.

So StayAliveFriend was created to help people not go through whatever they are going through alone.

I spoke to a friend the other day and she explained to me she doesn’t want to read other people’s stories. She thinks it would just make her more depressed. So I started thinking about it. I definitely saw what she was talking about yet I just couldn’t comprehend the idea of not reaching out to people; not at least attempting to help them in some sort of way.

So I was watching Private practice this week where a young boy lost his mom to cancer and how everyone was telling his father how to handle him and force him in to certain things so he could start dealing with his mom’s death. The only thing the father saw was that he just wasn’t there yet. His son just wasn’t ready to deal with the loss of his mother. There’s no formula in dealing with pain and loss, nor are there any quick fixes to it. Each person we meet in our life is “composed” differently so we need to treat people differently in the various aspects of their lives. We need to be able to put aside our passion to help first understand the person we are dealing with and only then can we actually help them in a way that is helpful to them.

When I wasn’t there yet I needed to hear people’s stories. I needed to hear that everyone has a past. I needed to see that the people whom I thought had it all together; the people I placed WAY up THERE had crappy days just like me so that I could find the hope that would get me there someday.

So if you’re not there yet find people that would be willing to find you so that you can reach the top the way that YOU need to.

We are put in this world with people but not so that they can form you to their liking. You can only be formed by what you believe in. So keep strong and keep holding on and you’re “not there yet” will soon enough change into “I have arrived”.

Paula

Be the rescue.

I'm not broken for myself. I'm broken to be poured out. I'm broken so that other people can embrace their brokenness; so that they can see that the end of life is NOT where the pieces lay scattered. We are called to be the rescue, but to rescue you have to understand what it means to have been on the receiving end of the rope.

I had a moment last week where the the questions I'm facing didn't collide with the answers i've been offered out there. I'm asking questions to better understand the chaos inside my head; chaos mostly influenced by emotions; emotions mostly stemming from rejection; rejection mostly deriving from not fully accepting myself.  And when this chaos gets to heavy to bear, I'm looking for an escape, everyone does because its the only thing that would make sense; to get rid of it as soon as possible. i took comfort in friends; people that understands me, and accepts me, and know that when my demons creep up on me, I can reach out to them and they'll respond with an "AHOO" battle cry, like the Spartans from 300. That is comforting to know.

There's others who's not so fortunate to have an army of friends to stand shoulder to shoulder with them. There's some of us who HAVE to fight it out all by themselves, and that's sad, and my heart goes out to you. Although I know what it feels like to be lonely, I don't know what it feels like to be lonely AND alone, cos that's two different things.

Early this week I had a friend reaching out to me because the pressure of the chaos is eating her, and she can feel it slowly getting the upper hand. She needed someone to talk to; to pray with, and for her. What a feeling it is to know you can pour yourself out for a friend because just a week earlier others have emptied themselves for you, in prayer, phone calls, messages, words of encouragement.

This morning I heard about a friend of Meegan who just couldn't keep up with his chaos. i didn't know the guy but it shatters my heart to know someone has been left by himself; someone were carrying a burden and no one was there. Or maybe people were there, who knows. it just saddens my heart. I always feel like a piece of myself gets taken away when I hear of young South Africans committing suicide.

That is the reason I started StayAlivefriend. For the ones who are forgotten. The ones who cannot control the chaos. the ones who struggle to accept themselves. It is for them, but in so many ways, it has been for myself as well. We all need rescue.

StayAlivefriend need more voices out there. We need rescuers to point their friends towards our Facebook page and our blog. The rescue always starts small.

Peace to you.

https://www.facebook.com/StayAliveFriend

My Suitcase: a guest post

Sometimes the only we we can make sense out of the madness is by diving head on first into it; standing up against it and convince yourself there's more to it than what there seem to be.

A really heartfelt guest post from a dear friend:

Stuck between these walls that once seemed so familiar. This was supposed to be my safe place and all of a sudden it just reeks of pain and disappointment.  I wake up every morning trying to find reason in this ridiculous thing we call life.

People keep on telling me, don't lose hope things will get better. But just as the one thing gets better the next bad thing happens and it starts all over again.  How much longer do I have to keep on hoping for a better future? 

Everything that happens to me, good or bad, gets tucked away is this suitcase that just travels with me as I think I'm running away from it.  Then I stop and think what will happen if I turn back for just a second and visit my past?

No one is asking me to unpack my bag and move in. So then I open my suitcase and being human I get caught up in all my stories and think but what if... Not being able to just take a glimpse and seeing how far I've come and move forward... I've been struggling with depression for a while now, resisting the urge to cut; to try and just end it all EVERYDAY. People keep on telling me do this; do that but in the end I have to make the choice for me. Regardless of all the people that supposedly loves me. I'm the one that has to get on with my life and I won't always have the same people around me that will understand my stories the way I need them to.

Maybe being stuck in a empty space isn't all that bad. I'm not getting pushed into something I don't want. I can be in the emptiness and just wonder about me, and what I should do to get through this.

Still loving the people around me just learning to love me in the process. One day I will be able to close my suitcase again. Until then I will keep hope despite everything I believe about it because it's hope that get's me out of bed every morning just begging me to try one more time. Maybe this time it would be OK and my house filled with pain and disappointed will turn into my home again. 

Paula

I don't know if this makes sense but ya...

"Although the scars remain, we remember the good times".