Sometimes the
only we we can make sense out of the madness is by diving head on first into
it; standing up against it and convince yourself there's more to it than what
there seem to be.
A really
heartfelt guest post from a dear friend:
Stuck between
these walls that once seemed so familiar. This was supposed to be my safe place
and all of a sudden it just reeks of pain and disappointment. I wake up
every morning trying to find reason in this ridiculous thing we call life.
People keep on telling me, don't lose hope things will get better. But
just as the one thing gets better the next bad thing happens and it starts all
over again. How much longer do I have to keep on hoping for a better
future?
Everything that happens to me, good or bad, gets tucked away is this
suitcase that just travels with me as I think I'm running away from it.
Then I stop and think what will happen if I turn back for just a second and
visit my past?
No one is asking me to unpack my bag and move in. So then I open my
suitcase and being human I get caught up in all my stories and think but what
if... Not being able to just take a glimpse and seeing how far I've come and
move forward... I've been struggling with depression for a while now, resisting
the urge to cut; to try and just end it all EVERYDAY. People keep on telling me
do this; do that but in the end I have to make the choice for me. Regardless of
all the people that supposedly loves me. I'm the one that has to get
on with my life and I won't always have the same people around me that will
understand my stories the way I need them to.
Maybe being stuck in a empty space isn't all that bad. I'm not getting
pushed into something I don't want. I can be in the emptiness and just wonder
about me, and what I should do to get through this.
Still loving the people around me just learning to love me in the
process. One day I will be able to close my suitcase again. Until then I will
keep hope despite everything I believe about it because it's hope that get's me
out of bed every morning just begging me to try one more time. Maybe this time
it would be OK and my house filled with pain and disappointed will
turn into my home again.
Paula
I don't know if this makes sense but ya...
"Although
the scars remain, we remember the good times".
